Why I quit the PCT
The day I quit, I wrote this on Instagram:
The Mt. Whitney summit
“Initially, I was going to say this isn’t a picture of failure and try and convince you it’s one of growth instead, but that’s not true. This is the picture of failure, but failure and growth are not mutually exclusive and it doesn’t have to be bad, it can even be good. This is as close as I got to the summit of Mt. Whitney during our attempt, a combination of moving too slow, a late start, and questionable conditions caused us to turn around. One of the hardest and most humbling things I’ve had to do was convince myself to turn around during that hike. Through tears all I could muster was this photo of the summit, less than a mile away.
Now, with my decision to get off trail, instead of tears it’s a sigh of relief and a weight off my chest. When you’re hiking 10+ hours a day, you have a lot of time to weigh how important certain things are to you. I would think about thru-hiking and how it fit into my life and what exactly it meant to me. Thru-hiking is great for this reason, it’s like a long drawn out mediation, it gives you all the time in the world to think without any distractions. I love long distance hiking for this reason, and I hate it for a thousand other reasons. During my hike, it didn’t take me long to realize the things that were important to me, friends, family (those are easy) and trying to maximize my happiness during my short time on Earth. I quickly realized that I had completely separated myself from those things that matter to me, and instead committed to suffer for what? I didn’t have anything to prove to anyone.
I didn’t feel like I needed to be out there and I didn’t want to be out there. The trail started to lose its substance. People in the thru-hiking community love to say that thru-hiking is the “real world”, and the actual real world is some kind of twisted construct. That never really sat well with me. Thru-hiking culture is dripping with privilege and I began to crave the real world and resent thru-hiking. It almost felt like someone had lifted a curtain and spoiled the inner workings of something that I’d believed to magical.
I felt like I was wasting money and time on something that no longer meant anything to me. still, this is a personal decision, I understand that thru-hiking has still had a positive impact on my life and continues to impact the lives of others positively, this time my heart just wasn’t in it. So I’m getting I’m off trail; to exhale deeply and invest myself in those things that I’ve decided are worth it.”
After 1500 miles, countless dollars, and the building of a dream – I got off trail. It wasn’t easy, I believe it was the right decision, but I still wrestle with it often. I still plan to thru-hike the PCT eventually.
